The 2013 Halloween candy hierarchy, and why I gave out Snickers.


The good ones are gone, now all that’s left is the sad assortment you take to the office. Here’s what went first:

1. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups (That’s not a cup, that’s a crown. Reese’s are king–always have been.)

2. Baby Ruth (It honors a great baseball player, shush you finicky historians.)

3. Snickers (I love a Snickers Bar, always have, but I only eat the things around Halloween, and this goes for ALL candy, I only have a tepid lust for sugar. That said, Snickers and I are close. What strengthens this bond, this friendship I have with the brand, is the marketing. The ads are funny. I see them as entertainment, and I’m never bothered by an interruption of the silly humor. Original ideas, good writing, good execution, and truly funny. You can tell the brand takes their humor seriously. So do I. What a match we are.

I believe Snickers and I are the perfect example of a good consumer/marketing relationship. It’s a good product–of course, but I like being around them, just like I like being around certain people I have screened to become my good friends. There’s no difference, every time I’m with a good friend, I always have a confirmation that that person is important to me, and I like their ‘company’, same with Snickers, or any brand I feel ‘brand loyalty’. Would I stop eating Snickers if all of a sudden they made a radical change and became the voice of figure skating? No, I would still consume them, but I wouldn’t hand them out on Halloween. I wouldn’t give them the victory at the supermarket when I load up on the candy I’m about to give away to the neighborhood. I wouldn’t do that for Almond Joy. 

4. 3 Musketeers. (Have always loved the name, it suits my masculine essence. But Mars, why did you have to go and take the three guys off the packaging?) 

5. Peanut M&M’s. (I do enjoy a confection with nut.)

6. Crunch. (Got loads of these this year, HAD to eat them, just because they got in the way of everything else. And tell me, do I detect coconut in there?)

7. M&M’s (Yawn, but you can’t knock a classic. Nice colors.)

8. Twizzlers (No one gives out black licorice anymore! WTF?)

9. Milk Duds (Good, but too chewy, I don’t worry about losing a filling; I don’t have any, but I do worry about losing molars.)

10. Smarties (A real journeyman. And back in the day, when I was hitting the junk hard, this would rank 2-ish)


Note 1: Always last to go: Almond Joy. (Who eats these things??)

Note 2: Did not see one Milky Way this year. (Who’d a thunk?)

Note 3: I Love Good & Plenty, and it’s sibling, “Fruity”, but have not seen either one of them in years. (sad face)

(pictured above, Jolly Rancher)